Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Can't live with them and you can't live with out them

Let's talk teeth.

Teeth are these hard, enamel coated, white substances in your mouth. Their purpose is to chew if you are human. If you are an animal then their purpose is to bite, tear, and then chew. Sometimes humans forget that they are not animals and they tend to bite with them also. My 2 year old can attest to this, she comes home frequently with another child's bite mark on her arm or leg. Sometimes I can actually count the teeth that the aggressor has because the impression is so deep.

We need our teeth, with out them we would be a society of oatmeal eaters instead of carnivores. As the vicodin begins to kick in, the holes in my head and I are pondering why the hell I did not escape from the dentist's chair today and allowed him to remove 2 of my precious teeth.

Reality sinks in and helps to uncloud my brain. " The pain" the holes exclaim. Ah yes, the pain, now I remember that throbbing aching pain that at one point made me drink a portion of liquid codine that was meant to cure a previous bout of bronchitis.

Pain will make you do crazy things. The vicodin has not only numbed the gums that once held teeth but also my brain I fear as I cannot come up with anything cute or funny about pain making me do crazy things. I'll have to leave that for another time.

I am going on a cruise in 6 weeks and it cost quite a bit of money. Before the dentist pulled my teeth I enquired whether this would effect my cruise. He gave me a look like I had asked him if drinking out of a straw would cause a dry socket. He gave me a half attempt at compassion, "Don't smile with your mouth open for the pictures". That's it? $800 and agonizing pain gets me a few vicodin and don't smile for pictures? I can tell he was not a purveyor of philosophy during his Alma matter.

Next comes the bridge work. So let me get this straight, I paid $800 to have them pull 2 teeth out so that I can pay them $800 to put 2 teeth and a crown in? Does this make sense?

The vicodin is finally kicking in.

In closing I would just like to say that the holes and I do hope that when we awake we will realize that the phone call I just had with my eldest was a dream. Why the hell would I want to go out to lunch at a salad bar an hour after having 2 teeth pulled. She takes after my mother who fed me a sardine sandwich right after having 4 baby teeth pulled for braces. Some people are a few crayons short of a full box.

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