Welcome to the insanity of the holes in my head.
Four years ago I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, an auto-immune disease that causes my body to attack itself by destroying the myelin sheath that protects the nerves of my brain. Simply put, my brain has lesions in places that used to have healthy nerves covered by myelin. Now there are holes in my head.
If I named each one of them, it could take quite a while so I won't. Trust me though, they each have a mind of their own and effect me each in many different aspects of the big realm of my life.
Since my diagnosis I have refused to live my life as an invalid. In fact, my life is better then it has ever been. I have a wonderful husband, beautiful children, and an enigmatic little miniature genius of a grandchild, I call Pooky. She is two and the sprinkles on my ice cream. With out her life would be plain and boring.
At 42 years old, I have only just begun to live. I have written one book and I am currently working on two other projects. You can read more on my website, www.cynthiaparrott.com . My husband, Pooky, and I love to take cruises, and yes we bring along the holes in my head and no it doesn't cost any extra although they do seem to enjoy margaritas it this can be costly on a cruise.
In closing I wanted to share with you an entry I wrote last year in my blog on myspace. It is fitting to include with this first blog.
Thank you again for taking the time to visit and feel free to comment.
Like a Hole in The Head
There is something to be said about self pity and when I can come up with a positive acronym I will let you know. For now I will wallow in it. .
What exactly does wallow mean? I had to know so I looked it up.
Self-pity is an icky liquid you swim around in when you blame the world for your problems. People who wallow in self-pity usually go around in a bad mood, feeling sorry for themselves, feeling they've been wronged some how. They only care about poor little them. They failed because of someone or something else. They don't own up to their own faults.
1. To roll the body about indolently or clumsily in or as if in water, snow, or mud.
2. To luxuriate; revel: wallow in self-righteousness.
3. To be plentifully supplied: wallowing in money.
4. To move with difficulty in a clumsy or rolling manner; flounder: "The car wallowed back through the slush, with ribbons of bright water trickling down the windshield from the roof" (Anne Tyler).
5. To swell or surge forth; billow.
I may not be a rocket scientist, but this does not make sense. It is sort of a contradiction.
How about defecate in self pity. That sounds more like it!
So, I went to a new neuro yesterday. Seems that a recent CT I had shows that my lone lesion (Ed as I named him) has reproduced. I believe that is called asexual for those who did not take biology. Ed has actually had a whole slew of little lesions, a dozen or so in all.
“Forget the RRMS” the doc says, “you have PRMS”. If you don't know what all this means either Google it or in simple English my brain is Swiss cheese. He wants to put me in the hospital and inject me full of steroids just weeks before I go on my cruise.
FOR GODS SAKE, it took me 6 weeks to loose 6 pounds how am I going to loose the other 14 if they fill me full of steroids!! Okay, so I am defecating in selfishness too. I have planed this stupid cruise for a year. I am going and I am drinking 1 margarita for each lesion each day!!!
What did I do next? Called my father. After spending 5 minutes bitching about my smoking and my response of "what the hell does that have to do with my Swiss cheese brain?" He asks "So what does Casey say?" Casey doesn't want to talk about it, he is too upset. I told him. My father is silent and then he says "what they hell am I, no one?" and then he adds " I am upset too".
"It's your fault you know" he balked at this statement. "How so?" he replies rather shocked.
So I explain that when I was younger he was always saying things like , you need to smoke those cigarettes like you need a hole in the head, you need to marry David like you need a hole in the head, and oh yes, you need to have more children like you need a hole in the head. The truth comes out I advised him. He has placed another one of his curses on me, just like the one where he said that he hoped I had a daughter just like me that drove me crazy (umm Jen).
He laughs "yes, blame it on me like everyone does. Everything is always my fault".
Yes, Dad it is. Being a parent you learn to accept responsibility for all that fails.
So while I defecate in self pity feel a little responsible and quit giving me a hard time about the cigarettes! The surgeon general has not issued a warning that smoking causes holes in your head, yet.